Longing.

I long for my mom. I long for her wisdom and smile and laughter. I long for her hugs and support and deep unyielding love. I long for her sense of fun and adventure and the unique way she viewed the world. (Especially as I parent three little monkeys).
The volume of disbelief that comes with this type of grief is simply breathtaking and paralyzing. The way the grief is impacting my brain and body is frightening. The way I feel out of touch with reality on a regular basis is scary. I want to hide from this heartache but my mom always said ‘be present’ and so I sit here and acknowledge that in this one single minute- I am angry and pissed and furious and scared and sad and filled with sorrow that my mom is not here with me. My heart is filled with a chasm of holes and never ending sorrow.

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