Deep sorrow.

I miss my mom tonight. I am feeling dumpy and pathetic and weepy.
Not that I don’t miss her a zillion times every day. It’s just different tonight- in the pit of my stomach. I know it’s because I am using her iPad tonight. Looking at the loving way she took photos of everyone she loved. I also know its because I was looking at those photos through her eyes- the eyes of someone who was sitting all of the time throughout this past year. Which was the exact opposite of my mom. My mom was vibrant and filled with joy and wonder of life and filled with experiencing fun. The pain in my chest is searing. The missing and the yearning is daunting. How do I hold on to her essence. How so I hold on to it all? I don’t know. I need to figure it out though. For myself and my kids. I need to preserve all that is good and wonderful about Donna. For my sanity.
I miss my mom. I need her here. I want her here with me. I am deeply sad.

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